The Fabric Of Our Afterlife

The cloth next to the body soaked up the pooling blood,  a wrinkled old cotton vampire. It seemed  innocent, it's presence there seemingly happenstance and yet it drank up the dark red fluid as  hungrily as any fanged horror. Cotton, the fabric of our afterlife. You'd better watch that shirt!

Apple Targets Pirate Demographic With New iPatch

I was into monocular vision before pirates. Any idiot can view life through two eyes, to be truly visionary you need to be focused. You have to be committed to pay $600 to use the iPatch!  One eye brings a sleekness of design rarely found in this binocularly biased world.

Food Roulette

That an open can of Vienna sausages looks like the business end of a revolver is no accident.  While they are universally viewed as a delicious treat you might be shocked to discover that they are not very nutritious. I know!  Go ahead, pull that trigger, it's completely worth it.

Kill Hitler!

I went back in time and killed Hitler when he was a child.  I thought I would be a hero of historic  proportions. Think of all the lives that wouldn't be lost now!  Instead I was just a horrible monster  who killed a baby.  No good deed goes unpunished, right?

Sexually Translated Virginity

Sexuality in the modern era is very confusing and certainly not what it once was. There are so many options now and so many things that were once taboo but the Internet had rendered blasé. Sexually transmitted virginity though, really threw people for a loop. Perpetually starting over is fun!